Empathy

As a budding psychologist/therapist, I foresee the importance of clearly understanding the difference between empathy, sympathy and support. As I've experienced in my own counseling sessions, therapists straddle the line of caring and becoming too invested, not crossing appropriate boundaries. It seems a tricky line to walk, but walk they must.

In my usual blog hopping I came across one woman's account of her husband's diagnosis of cancer, followed eight-months later by his death despite aggressive chemo, radiation and surgery. Her son was barely a year and a half when his dad died. Despite my best attempts to not mess up my eye makeup (after all, I have my interview for a holiday help position with Williams Sonoma this afternoon--yes, I actually applied last Friday. Stay tuned...) I find myself sitting at my desk crying for a woman at least 2 degrees of separation from me. Her pain is palpable and I cannot imagine having a baby mere months old when the life you'd always expected gets so inexplicably turned upside down. No longer can you freely celebrate the milestones of crawling, solid foods, first tooth, first word, first step. All of the good, despite your best attempts, is overshadowed by this monster that is quickly taking over your husband's body.

For some reason one of my greatest fears is losing my husband only a couple of years after marriage, or worse, in that first honeymoon year. Perhaps it's because I feel I've waited longer than many of my friends to find that person, and so would feel horribly robbed to lose them only a short time after finding them. (And with no special someone in sight at the moment, that means the wait will be even longer.) Although I recognize that God is ultimately in control. and I would strive to lean on and trust in his supremacy, I can only imagine how angry, how royally ticked off I would be. Your life together is just beginning, only to have it cruelly ended without your permission.

The question has been asked, "Is it better to have loved and lost than never loved before?" I believe that most of you married folks would say that yes, it is indeed better and that you are richer for having had the person in your life. I just don't know that I would agree. I suppose I'm just so afraid of the heart wrenching pain that would come; the pain that makes my eyes well up with tears to even contemplate.

I have no eloquent or meaningful end to this post, I was just struck with such strong empathy for this young mother whose every hope, dream and plan for the future changed in an instant the day her husband was diagnosed. Boundaries can come later; for now I grieve with her.