Monday, February 11, 2008

A good and a bad day

The good...

My (long) interview day at The Chicago School went well! The faculty & administrators were engaging and professional, all questions answered thoroughly and competently, and the facilities & location once again impressive. My personal interview time of 40 minutes sped by and I'm fairly confident in my answers. The snafu regarding my application handling was acknowledged and apologized for, and I left the day comfortable that if Chicago is where I land, my education will be in good hands. They say I will get word in 2-4 weeks of their final decision.

Like a true Chicagoan, I road the El home and spent the rest of the afternoon gazing out the window as the snow began to fall. It was all rather lovely and serene and as I sat I felt a sense of knowing that if it is to Chicago that I come, I will be just fine.

The bad...

After dinner I checked my email, not expecting to have heard anything from the other schools at that late time. But alas, I did. And the email I received broke my heart. My application to MSPP in Boston had been declined with a polite, "We regret to inform you..." When assembled together, those must be 5 of the most ominous and foretelling words in the English language. There is no hope after such words, no optimisim can survive. Only disappointment and sadness, confusion and hurt. I realized how firmly I expected Boston to be an option. For so many years it has been the city of my heart and now it had rejected me. When friends were recently going through a job search and had been turned down by one position, my friend described the feeling as being broken up with before the person has given the relationship a chance. I can now attest that the feeling is indeed such, and as with any breakup, the giving up of hope and having to accept an outcome you did not want, sucks.

Last night, the knowledge and assurity that I need not give up hope on my future career aspirations or my desire to relocate because "God has a plan!" was of little comfort. It was surprising to me how quickly I began to fear that I have completely misheard that this was my calling and that rejection by all the schools may be in my future. Though too soon to believe that, the fear is nonetheless there and must now be fought. Sigh.

It was a sad ending to a good day

Still no word from Denver or Portland, something I expect within the next 2 weeks. More 'wait and see' is in my future and I must now, more than ever, trust that all will be as it should. And if it turns out to be something I never expected, deep down I know that it will be even better than I could possibly have imagined.

8 comments:

coconuts said...

Oh Kelly, I am so sorry your heart is broken. It is horrible to be rejected, especially when you know you are pretty darn close to perfect! What could they want?Maybe the more cerebral "pocket protector" type. This really means that Mr. Right is NOT in Boston and is waiting for you somewhere else! And you can still visit Boston any time you want. Don't hold this against the city that you love. xoxoxo

TheWinnFamily said...

I'm so sorry Kel...I wish I could shield you from any disappointment this world has to offer. sigh. I understand the sadness, fear, uncertainty, etc all too well right now too. :( I do believe you will end up where you are meant to be albeit, even if its not where you thought you'd be. Hugs.

DeniseMarie said...

I'm going to choose to focus on the positive here, and that is that your Chicago interview went so well, you left feeling confident that you represented yourself well and impressed that they represented themselves well to you. Chicago is indeed an amazing city, and if you end up there it will be exciting and metropolitan and hip and all those other good things. The door closing on Boston is a disappointment, yes, but it's also making the way more clear to where God wants you to go. And it's one less place to worry about and wait for. Plus, perhaps Boston is supposed to remain your idealized crush city--like that gorgeous guy in high school you always mooned over from afar and still, to this day, can think about and get a little weak-kneed. But had you ever actually dated him it would all have been ruined because you'd know his farts smell like rotten spinach and he makes jokes about boogers and is secretly in love with his mother.

Sarah S said...

I want to echo denises sentiments... love you kel and no matter WHAT... I am soo proud of all the hard work you've done... and finally your BA... don't let grad schools steal that accomplishment away from you...

Congrat's on one interview down... and more to come...
xo

b said...

Wow, Sarah really wanted to echo Denise's sentiments.

Me too. "What she said", about Boston.

Been thinking about and praying for you and am super happy to hear about your interview in Chi-town...and am very proud of you.

b said...

Boston now officially sucks. Disappointment sucks. And I am feeling for you, sis.

b said...

Just kidding about Boston sucking. I love Boston. But I hate that they caused you pain.

Jeremy said...

Boston does suck.
sincerely,

Jer, the life long Laker fan.

On a more serious note, I am glad to hear all went well in CHICAGO!
God will put you where you are meant to be, which I have been saying all along is Denver (smiles).

Trust in the Lord with ALL YOUR HEART, and lean not on YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. In ALL thy ways acknowledge HIM, and HE shall DIRECT thy PATHS!!!

never have I needed to rely on this verse as much as I do now, and I hope it can speak to you as well.