A good and a bad day

The good...

My (long) interview day at The Chicago School went well! The faculty & administrators were engaging and professional, all questions answered thoroughly and competently, and the facilities & location once again impressive. My personal interview time of 40 minutes sped by and I'm fairly confident in my answers. The snafu regarding my application handling was acknowledged and apologized for, and I left the day comfortable that if Chicago is where I land, my education will be in good hands. They say I will get word in 2-4 weeks of their final decision.

Like a true Chicagoan, I road the El home and spent the rest of the afternoon gazing out the window as the snow began to fall. It was all rather lovely and serene and as I sat I felt a sense of knowing that if it is to Chicago that I come, I will be just fine.

The bad...

After dinner I checked my email, not expecting to have heard anything from the other schools at that late time. But alas, I did. And the email I received broke my heart. My application to MSPP in Boston had been declined with a polite, "We regret to inform you..." When assembled together, those must be 5 of the most ominous and foretelling words in the English language. There is no hope after such words, no optimisim can survive. Only disappointment and sadness, confusion and hurt. I realized how firmly I expected Boston to be an option. For so many years it has been the city of my heart and now it had rejected me. When friends were recently going through a job search and had been turned down by one position, my friend described the feeling as being broken up with before the person has given the relationship a chance. I can now attest that the feeling is indeed such, and as with any breakup, the giving up of hope and having to accept an outcome you did not want, sucks.

Last night, the knowledge and assurity that I need not give up hope on my future career aspirations or my desire to relocate because "God has a plan!" was of little comfort. It was surprising to me how quickly I began to fear that I have completely misheard that this was my calling and that rejection by all the schools may be in my future. Though too soon to believe that, the fear is nonetheless there and must now be fought. Sigh.

It was a sad ending to a good day

Still no word from Denver or Portland, something I expect within the next 2 weeks. More 'wait and see' is in my future and I must now, more than ever, trust that all will be as it should. And if it turns out to be something I never expected, deep down I know that it will be even better than I could possibly have imagined.